Caveat: I haven't taken an escalator anywhere outside North America, and I don't spend my weekends riding the escalators in Bakersfield. As such, I am limiting my area of "expertise" to what I observe five days a week: the eastbound escalators on the north side of Market st. at the Embarcadero BART station on weekdays between "please God, kill me!" and "please God, kill them"; or between 8:00am and 8:15am.
Those unfamiliar with the basic layout of BART in downtown SF: Market street runs in a straight line from Van Ness (befoooore that even, yes) to the Ferry Building. The BART and MUNI systems run underneath Market; MUNI's two levels below Market; BART one below MUNI. Yes, it is quite different from listening to NPR while sipping a soy-latte in your Jaguar convertable on your way to catch the ferry in Marin. Nice observation.
To get from the BART platform to street level, there are two sets of stairs/escalators. The first and longer of the two starts at the very bottom and goes up two levels to the "main" platform. From the main platform, a shorter sets takes you up to the street. (sidenote: for a person hoping that "stairs vs. escalator" will offer conclusive evidence that people are generally one type of person or the other, the option of changing modes 2/3 of the way to the top is challenging. If not tackled properly and with deft precision, it creates a convoluted gray area, which could lead one to dismiss these findings, concluding that people are 'complicated', and that this "essay" and the person presenting it (me) is "gay". I will ignore this with the hope that it's early in the morning when you're reading this, you're not up for something "exhaustive" and you'll just forget about it, and let me slide... me penis into your butt. Shhhh.)
Each station provides an elevator, which lazy people are not allowed to use.
Caveat #2: I am not including those persons incapable of exercising their will in this regard under the assumption that if they could then they would fall in with one of the 20-25 separate categories which I will now describe.
Okay... so you exit the train at Embarcadero. Unless you fucked up, you got off the train to go up to Market and Drumm. How you choose to get your body from BART to Market and Drumm. says a lot about who you are at this moment.
When faced with the choice of stairs or escalator, if you choose escalator, you must first enter the back of the line of other people also waiting to use the escalator. Sometimes, this line is long. It is also slow; roughly the speed of the escalator (surprise!). One can surmise that more people choose the escalator, hence: line. You can also conclude that most people "using" the escalator are actually riding the escalator; i.e. they stand on it passively until it reaches the top.
I know: what a bunch of no good, lazy fucks. Glad I'm not one of them.
Interestingly, on the occasion of a hiccup in the BART system, I haven't noticed a marked increase in stair use, suggesting the social stigma of The Tardyslip is not pervasive among today's adult workforce; as it isn't among today's schoolchildren (The failure of the tardy system in American schools is a blight on the institution... and the subject of future discussion).
As you could easily guess: no one has ever waited in line to climb the stairs. No one ever will. That's because each upward escalator has its own nuclear power generator keeping it going all the time, no matter what. Gavin and his peeps know that if people are stuck with climbing those stairs, his chances of becoming Governor are nil (The smear commercials are all ready to go.). People will see the line for stairs and go, "guess I'm not goin' to work today". The only limitations stair climbers face are those of strength relative to size, and their willingness to lift their legs to get from from 'A' to 'B'.
The choice of stairs or escalator is straightforward -it's black or white. As in, black people use the escalator because they're lazy, and white people use the stairs because they're insane... Shockingly, there does exist a middle ground between the two, the mulatto. Escalator users have the option of using the left side (or passing lane) and actually climbing its stairs. At this point, it should come no surprise to know that more people choose to stand on the escalator; as it does all the work for them (and who likes working if you don't have to?). Others decide that through collaboration -using their strength and the 'strength' of the machine- that they can maximize efficiency and reach the top sooner; without the nasty buttsweat, crotchstank, phlegm, and red face stair climbers develop by the time they reach the top. Being equal parts optimist and pessimist, I wouldn't be surprised if on days when BART is running late, the number of people using the escalator increases; though I'd be equally unsurprised if it didn't.
I'm feeling kind of done with this. I'm sure you're feeling done reading this. I'm gonna stop for now, and either continue with Part II on Monday, or say fuck it, and write about what ever I feel like writing about. I leave it up to the fans: if you want to read the exciting conclusion vote "yes", if you'd sooner read the ingredients on a can of SPAM, vote "no". If no one votes, I'm going to assume it's because no one is reading, and I will be right.
I love being right.
As you could easily guess: no one has ever waited in line to climb the stairs. No one ever will. That's because each upward escalator has its own nuclear power generator keeping it going all the time, no matter what. Gavin and his peeps know that if people are stuck with climbing those stairs, his chances of becoming Governor are nil (The smear commercials are all ready to go.). People will see the line for stairs and go, "guess I'm not goin' to work today". The only limitations stair climbers face are those of strength relative to size, and their willingness to lift their legs to get from from 'A' to 'B'.
The choice of stairs or escalator is straightforward -it's black or white. As in, black people use the escalator because they're lazy, and white people use the stairs because they're insane... Shockingly, there does exist a middle ground between the two, the mulatto. Escalator users have the option of using the left side (or passing lane) and actually climbing its stairs. At this point, it should come no surprise to know that more people choose to stand on the escalator; as it does all the work for them (and who likes working if you don't have to?). Others decide that through collaboration -using their strength and the 'strength' of the machine- that they can maximize efficiency and reach the top sooner; without the nasty buttsweat, crotchstank, phlegm, and red face stair climbers develop by the time they reach the top. Being equal parts optimist and pessimist, I wouldn't be surprised if on days when BART is running late, the number of people using the escalator increases; though I'd be equally unsurprised if it didn't.
I'm feeling kind of done with this. I'm sure you're feeling done reading this. I'm gonna stop for now, and either continue with Part II on Monday, or say fuck it, and write about what ever I feel like writing about. I leave it up to the fans: if you want to read the exciting conclusion vote "yes", if you'd sooner read the ingredients on a can of SPAM, vote "no". If no one votes, I'm going to assume it's because no one is reading, and I will be right.
I love being right.
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